[22:47]
Me: If I love calculating statistics and working with numbers, i.e. analyzing data, does that make me a nerd?
Brian: No, duh. What kind of sick person would love maths?
Me: ……. *sniff* don’t be mean…
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I haven’t been online on my computer for ages! May I stress on that word again? A-G-E-S.
Alright, enough of that. I’ve been a really good girl lately: studied, did all my work in best quality, and wanting to study for statistics and other research methods. Really, I actually want to study something related to maths. With the new calculator, it has empowered me to poke it furiously while trying to get the right answers. Several trial-and-error will get me anywhere.
So while I’ve been busy with important stuff lately, I realised that I missed him less and thought of him less often. Perhaps time does drown everything, but I don’t believe that; communication is key in everything so if it’s not there then, it’s not there. Do you get what I mean? Because I don’t quite know what I want to say, I’m really… ugh… can I not? Can this just… I don’t know what I should think or shouldn’t. Things should never be left unclear and ambiguous that the worst situation that can ever happen. Hello? Anyone? Someone? “De-hang-up-tize” this, please? That term was coined by Jimmy Lai, founder of Giordano Ltd. My friend Sui-lun did a case study on it for his management homework and I proofread his essay, so I got that piece of random info stuck on my thick head. Don’t know what the ‘hack’ is going on with me these days. I do what I’m supposed to do but then somehow something doesn’t feel right. I think what I need is closure – the act of bring sth to an end, to clarify and cease sth. But then somehow something is telling me that, “now is not the time”. When IS TIME?
Okay, I’m starting to worry. Maybe I am a bother and I should stop bothering people, especially him. I mean he’s so busy and all. I didn’t force him to reply, just wanted to know whether he’s interested in replying or not. That didn’t make sense, did it? Perhaps I should stop sending stuff altogether, ’cause then I won’t be bothering him and I can sorta live on like that. Still, that doesn’t really solve the question I have.
Anyway, it’s polite to send friends presents right? I sent gifts to my bro, Kurt, Evon, Adele and Brian recently. And I expect me to give presents to my close friends in HK too. It’s just something to say “Hey, you’re alive. I’m alive. Let’s just do something so that we won’t lose contact with each other.” or I should just minimize everything to gifts once a year (on christmas only) and no more contact whatsoever after. Yea, perhaps that’s the best solution.
I should stop thinking self-defeating thoughts, it’s not healthy – shortens lives by possibility of increasing risk of terminal disease through decrease in immune system. Social rejection and mourning can cause similar feeling to pain physiologically. That means if you are psychologically hurt or sad, you can have feelings similar to being stabbed and punched or gutted. So it’s not a cliche when people say, “You left me bleeding and torn.”
Never take anything for granted.
In my case, it’s the internet.
